Sunrise on the east side

Reflecting beauty in the tide

The sun emerges without a sound

Shining glowing gold and round

The sounds of birds in the air

The feeling of sunshine in my hair

A place to dream laugh and sing

Its the place with everything

In silence we sit,
never to be heard.

With our mouths unopened,
seemingly scared.

With nothing to say,
day after day
Armed with questions,
looking for answers.............,

still the words don't come.

How in life, you can take your chances
only to come too far, to ever come back...........,

I guess someone always ends up lost

Where do we go?, and what do we do?.
When you cant look at me, and I cant look at you.

Nothing to say, as we sit and exchange emotionless glances .
Thinking about, all those missed chances.
Thinking of what should have been.

When the end was coming, my eyes couldn't see

As time it passes me by, I'm the one left wondering why.

In silence we sat.

you say you love me
but not the way i want
now i am longing
for what i havent got
it suddenly just hit me
i can never have you
i'll go through life wondering
how much we'll never do
you'll be in love but not with me
i'll try to have feelings for others
you'll go on happily
as i become someone who never bothers
to care for anyone else
because i love only you
though you'd die for someone else
i've dreamt you'd live only for i
but you'll have someone you actually want
i would rather die
than not to have what i havent got

Wow, you did ti again, lied, and its hard to pretend. That im not mad, lets just resume being friends. Your just sutck in your habits and somehow im not surprised I want to scream.I want to cry. I want you to vanish with a goodbye. Forever without you haunting me again. Kept in my mind formt he first day I met you. Lingering moments. Estatic touches. Playful jokes. What happened? Ding, Ding, the bird comes. " Here's your flood and your pain, now go shout to the wind Rain, Rain drown me. Adisguise, no one can see a sad face in the rain. Dont tell emt hat you love me, dont tell me that you care. STOP. just breathe in and tell me the reality. It's useless. Your still hiding form the truth, your just a liar. That part is true. So just go back far away to a different place and when you come to visit, put on a happy face. Tell me the truth. I'll wait and wait Just tell the truth, that's all I want Cant you see that?

i know i dont show it
but when i see your smile
it makes my world amazing

when i hear your laugh
makes me want to jump for joy
but the thing is
i feel like i am becoming obsessive

i dont want to because
i would lose you
forgive me for what i have done

let me know if i am going to far

i just love you with all my heart

I go to bed
Dream a dreamless sleep
And wait for a call on a phone that never rings.

I cry a bit
Beat my emotions down
And hope that one day maybe things will change.

Friends help
But I tone 'em out
And I continue to hate myself for being so weak.

Day goes on
I see you there
And wish I could be there with you all over again.

I go to bed
Dream a dreamless sleep
And wait for a call on a phone that never rings.

You got your deuce deuce
Your pants hanging from your knees
You got your bling! bling! dental plan
I got my experiential release

You got your hoe to slap
You gotta sell those trees
I got my Doc Martins
Riding up to my knees

I just want to cut this short
Because I might just be misunderstood
I've got the razor's edge within
exposing every hidden decaying orifice, just like it should

I open to expose you
I dilate your insides
Put it where it's suppose to be
Come on, Open up wide

***I know this is weird...
Maybe they'll post it for Halloween

It all started with a simple greet and smile
It all begun with a simple text from my heart
I felt and realized I’m falling for someone who’s around
Though I’m not yet prepared again to be hurt.

I couldn’t visualize myself longing for him
I couldn’t ask and convince myself to stop from wanting him
I couldn’t desist myself to stop falling for him
‘Cause I know for all this time, my heart needs him.

How I wish he really likes me like what he told me before
How I wish his feelings and mine are mutual and incomparable
I know he accepted my abstruse mien and flaws
I hope our friendship would grow more.

Run,
she agrees;
run, run away again.

Behind the horizon stands new hope,
or just another graveyard of memories?

The chamber is acoustic,
a sound travels between walls
made to be a dungeon,
like a mirror without reflection.

Yes, the cloak is waved with darkness,
smile is pale, face unfriendly-
can he be anything else?

Yes, curiosity is one path,
recklessness is a choice...
Disappointment's the only way.

The words are buried in a sink
of a cube built with injustice.
The expectations are burned down.

Run,
she wants that;
run, run away again.

Somewhere far from here the light
is born in red trails.
Red like a fire,
like the blood that was spilled.

We follow our own traces,
standing together under the frozen sun,
looking back on everything
that we could be, but we wasn't
in front of the unreflective mirrors.

I am blind for the screams
let out in agony.
I'm deaf for the pain.
Emotions are my guide, my dungeon
my past and future, my everything.

Haunted...

Run,
she's laughing;
run, run away again.

Why did you have to go?
We had such a bond!
Why did you leave me?
Your heart I have drawn.

Why did you have to go?
You made my heart break!
Why did you leave me?
Through my heart I drove a steak!

Why did you have to go?
I feel too much sorrow.
Why did you leave me?
Knowing I won’t see you tomorrow.

Why did you have to go?
I feel emotionless with out you here.
Why did you leave me?
This hurt is so severe!

Why did you have to go?
Now all I have is a gap in my chest.
Why did you leave me?
This crying will never rest.

Why did you have to go?
I wish you face I could see.
Why did you leave me?
All I want is for you to be with me.

Why did you have to go?
Don’t you know how this makes me feel?
Why did you leave me?
I didn’t want this to seal the deal.

Why did you have to go?
I hate this feeling.
Why did you leave me?
Tears I am revealing.

Why did you have to go?
I miss you the most.
Why did you leave me?
Your image is just a ghost.

Why did you have to go?
My feelings I try to hide and burry deep inside.
Why did you leave me?
I wish you never died!

Why did you have to go?
Why did you have to leave me alone?
Why can’t you see that I miss you so much?
Why can’t I feel you touch one last time?
Why can’t I bring you back?
Why can’t I bring you back?
Why did you have to die?
Why did you have to die?



I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
I MISS YOU SO MUCH!





Arlene G. Shafer
A loving grandma
August 8, 1941-August 18, 2007

He tells me just last minute
Im just about to cry
I start to feel one single tear slipping from my eye
He tells me its temporary
I don't believe a bit
Now is just another moment that I feel like shit
I hate you very much
You lie and your're a flirt
But all im feeling at the time is just a little hurt

I Stare In The Mirror Seeing
If Its Really Worth It,
I Know It Is, It Just Seems So Perfect,
So I Begin To Kiss The Blade Known As
A Knife,
As I Cut Myself As If I Don't Want My Life,
I Feel The Blood Coming Out Of My Veins,
So I Cry And Cry To Reduce My Pain,
Somehow This Technique Known As Cuttting Works,
But I See It As If Its Getting Worse,
Im Not Scared But I Have A Serious Fear,
That Somebody Soemday Will Actually Hear...

( No, Im Not Depressed, I Just Thought It Up One Day )

I'm sliding off the roof,
I can hear my skin scraping.
Deep wounds made deeper
with every piece of shingle that drives itself in.
It punctures new holes,
creates a story that will never be read.

I have been atop great mountains, after spring took winter's snow,
and seen nature painting valleys with flowers as they grow.
I have smelled the scent of beauty on paths between the blooms
and saw bees drink their nectar, enticed by sweet perfumes.

I have seen an endless ocean swallow deep the day's last sun,
letting lovers gaze upon the moon before dawn has begun.
I have looked at mighty storms break and rainbows take the sky,
to show man God's sweet promise, arched above so high.

I have known a lady's pleasure in true love's sweet embrace
and felt the warmth from the glow upon my lover's face.
I have felt a love so deep it stays embedded in my heart
and it soothes the stabbing pain, since we had to part.

I would give away each memory of the beauty I have seen
to know once more the feeling of what might have been.
I have been atop great mountains, after spring took winter's snow,
but now each valley is barren, the flowers just won't grow.

So much consumption
So few things to consume
The rain will prevail
Then Spring's flowers will bloom
The drink will be drank
Intelligence will fall
A substance will be used
Then Death makes his call
Our minds are so fragile
When they could be so strong
The walls and I, we sit and watch
As our faith in humanity, slowly, seems wrong

I close my eyelids
And hears the echo
Of a battered heart
The pain shuts
me down
Like an ulcer
at the pit of my
Stomach;
gnawing away
At my heart

I’m drowning
In my tears
And they
Won’t dry
On their own
Your love is
A poison
Still, I greedily
Drink it in
I chose to be
A blind woman

I am a
photograph
Left out
in the sun
A passenger
With no
Destination
My soul is
Drifting away
From my grip
Its safe to say
I’m on the verge
Of sanity

The closer I feel;
the farther we get
You tossed me away
Like a fruit
Rotten at its core
Every ‘ I love you’
Sliced into my heart
Wrapped up in a
Web of your pathetic
Lies; Ironically
I still love you

Love is a madman’s
Disease; there is
No prescription or
Medication that
Can pull my heart
From this burst
Of pain
Love and hate are
Neighbors;
there is no Line
I am caught between
The justified and the
Unjustifiable

Your polluted
Words suffocates
Me from deep within
Claws at my skin
Your cold
fingers
On my
burning flesh
Is all that
I crave for
Your intoxicated
touch
Feels like
acid flowing
Through my veins
I am drunk
from your
Venom; yet
I yearn
For more

I stare at the girl
In the mirror
Her image
Startles me
Her crazy mane
And big brown
Eyes beg her to
Smile; to reveal
This beautiful
Girl behind a
Wounded soul
Before you, us,
I used to
Be beautiful
Unknown
To me was the
numbness

You move from
Love to love
Chasing
the newness
When love is
young and strong;
Not old and cold
I am your guitar
You take pleasure
Playing with
my chord
Each time;
Plucking
HARDER

I walk outside
With my ganja
And my drink
I drink.
I smoke {Inhale}
{exhales}
I puff out your
Love in a thick
cloud of smoke
I’m high on
A cliff; off to
My world
My lips twist
Into a Mona
Lisa smile
Piles of smoking
Ash is all that
Is left of you

Sorry I lied
As sister's we often do

I understand and heard
that you would do anything
I need you to do

I understand and heard
that you would stand by me
true

I understand that you
wouldn't want me to
keep this from you

You have to understand
your symphathy and compassion
would sape at my strenght

You have to understand
I'd rather laugh with you
then cry about my fate.

Sorry I lied
As sister's we often do.

2 FULL MOONS……
It’s 2 full moons
Far away from home
The days pass soon
2wards home, my mind roam….

The reason for this distance,
Sometimes seems to be my solace
But every now and then
I drift over the seas and mountains
Back home to my doorstep.

It’s 2 full moons
Far away from home
The days pass soon
2wards home, my mind roam….

Junes to Junes, Mays to Mays
46 moons are left to be counted
Can I stay?
I once doubted
But this is a journey that must be completed.

2 full moons
And home is far away
The days are passing soon
The hair’s on my hair is turning grey…….

perforated lines
and
rolling mechanics mechanize
this quest
of paved adventures.

we roll down another wave of highs,
way down to the very lows,

yet we savor the air of conditioning
forming our one tract lanes to pass
the slow moving semi sized detours

perforated lines
and
rolling mechanics jumpstart
questions
of where are we going?

we drive through another wave of highs
and stall at another crossroad,

yet we stay put in this deathly cold
trap. hours rush hours pass as our lives
flash through another bumpy intersection

perforated lines
and
rolling mechanics totaled
by a dear in the headlights

we coasted through all the high ways
and broke down for the very last time.

Mirror of my emotion

It is a beautiful day today
The sun is out and its rays stream through my window
Playing a provocative and timidly aggressive dance with my closed curtains
The heavens have stopped crying
But I am left crying
I wonder what you are doing right now
Do you just sit still
Or still sit
In awe of what could’ve happened?
Im just wonderin if you are bored, worried, tired, happy, sad, feelin in love,
Excited or just plain blasé…
This is the mirror of my emotion
Confused bliss…

Un-captivated from the outset

Bland

Odorless

It needs more than salt


How {very fucking} professorial

How [fucking very] tepid

So overcooked

So undercooked

I would of used you steak metaphor

but they were neither well done or rare

I stay hidden
so as not to scare you
I watch you most mornings
down the train steps
carefull to keep myself unknown
standing near but far enough to be obstucted
EastBroady, Delancey and depart Broadway/Lafayette
Some days I know you feel my presence
I watch as your I pod is playing
and you shuffle into the music that
traps my memory to your mind
The sadness in your eyes and the tears
that spill over from your grief.......
I'm still here and I haven't gone far
It's not by chance that you shuffle into
me by song or that your minds eye can
see me so strong
I'm trying to tell you to let life go on
So when you hear Elton, Queen, Billy Joel or the Who
Wipe off your tears and sing on cue
Because those are the moments I'm smiling down on you.

From twisted vines to empty hearts
And sanctuaries came and gone
Nothing left but fatal starts
And the sparrows falling; gone

Creeping shadows up the wall
Things that lived here lost it all

Silouettes and puppet dolls
Limbs weak, falling short
Crawl to heaven in empty halls
Never run up, crashing short

Rotting sunshine once lived here
Laughter's sheen was almost near

But all that falls
fell soft and stong
into the darkness
of sorrow's song

i dare to dream.
i drare to love.
i dare to kiss.
i dare to hug.

i scream to drown
this stupid noise
i cry to release
this stupid emotion

i am sad
not for him
but for what
life brings

From first I suckled mother's breast
As babies do; I could not rest
As babies did; I failed those tests
Of things she said were best.
From an aching need to do it all
Came heartache; I cannot recall
A childhood fondest memory;
Sadness has made elation flee
To hide in dreams eluding me
Laughing at how hard I plea;
To depths of hell my mind recinds.
No care at all when this life ends:
From deep beneath, or clouds on high,
From rainbows hid by stormy skies,
From spirits nightly bringing stars
So close to me, but still too far,
Comes these clouds surrounding me,
Too dark and thick for me to see,
From darkened suns and bright lit moons,
From childhood dreams, dead too soon
(When all I had was not my best)
With demons now, I share my nest



**I wrote this for a literature contest to
give my interpretation of Poe's "Alone".
I only hope he isn't turning over in his
grave at my futile efforts. I respected
him enough to TRY to stay in structure.

I want you deep inside
I want to feel the movement between mi thighs

I want you to make me moan
I want to hear you groan

I want our bodies to move together
I want this feeling to last forever

I want you to go fast enough to make me sweat
I want you to go hard enough to make me wet

I want it to be my turn on top
I want you to make my cherry pop

I want to scream in pleasure
I want you to find my buried treasure

I want to lick you till your muscles tighten
I want as I go slower your body lightens

I want you to be back on top
I want you to lick me deep enough for my mouth to drop

I want to kiss you tender lips
I want us to be the reason for the next solar eclipse

I want every evening to end like this
I want to be able to say everyday that I'm his

-verse 1-
After I tasted you I can not stop
It's sad I had to clean your blood with the mop
You shouldn't have said those words of closure
I loved you so much, Oh how I always showed ya
But your evil eyes and tainted heart
How you tried to tear me apart
I gave you my love and my virgin lust
But just takin that from me was a must
Not once did you give a fuck what I said
Now how I have to bury you from the shed

-chorus-
Lustful wishing and tainted deeds
How your lust for me to bleed
You took what was left and there I died
You laughed all the way home while I cried
You were heartless and now your a waste
I told you deeply Pain has a face...

verse 2-
How we talked all night and all day
I couldnt forget tryin to make you stay
But you said you had to go
So I watched as you became a hoe
Sleeping around your lustful deed
I am like a vampire waiting to feed
I waited till the time was right
Then you punched me out of sheer delight
You walked out but didn't know
In the backyard in our garden was a whole
6 feet deep to be true
You shouldn't be a player you knew

-chorus-

verse 3-
Now the pain enrages my soul
because now I have to waste a hoe
You took what little I had
Now you caused my inner soul to be mad
I prayed oh how I prayed to fight the deed
But I couldn't allow to handle what you did to me.
Terror and heart breakin soul shatters,
In my head not a fucking thing matters
You life was nothing to me anymore
I have to warn you there was so much gore
Your tainted heart took the final step
I buried everything with you that I kept
Your life was just nothin anymore
Maybe in your next life you won't be such a whore..

so deep
so sensitive
full of feeling
but once you begin unpeeling
a shallow creek is shown
those eyes aren't full of fire
they are those of a liar

i never wanted this
but here we are standing so close
but your eyes are light years away
i can't feel your thoughts anymore
i don't dream your dreams
you've left me in this hole
where rattlesnakes and demons like to play
your song came on the radio
i turned it up then i turned it off
'cause i can't take this shit anymore
i drove by your house
maybe i should've shot it down
your window was open and i climbed in
only to see that the walls were gray this time
i went downstairs
down to the kitchen
remember bobby when we got drunk?
i looked for your phone
thought that well
maybe i'd call you
but it rang and rang and i just can't wait
now you're always asking me the same thing
and i always give you the same answer
i'm in love with you so deep i'm drowning
and your current keeps pulling me under
i find it hard to breathe
and i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
it wasn't supposed to be this way.

Silent, Strong, Seductive
This Face in front of me.
Eyes of unrelenting fire
My will feels petty, My loyalty falters
For a moment the other is forgotten.
I'm as tense as she is mysterious
I choke down my passion
which makes her smile,
Reveals the obvious truth
Of what's on my mind.
For a moment the other is forgotten.
We walk the silent streets
In the early morning hours.
All reason is lost under her influence
Submission is imminent.
Our warmth draws us together
in the cold canadian night
in the most awkward closeness.
Her scent, my breaking point
the final boundary is crushed
So I give in.

How painful this truth
That weakness is universal.
How deep is the chamber
of forgotten others?